You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
