So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
