I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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