Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
