At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i love accidental penises.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
