she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
