she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
