why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
