My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
