i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
