At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
