I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
