Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
