ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
