I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
