hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
