So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
