Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cannot find my penis.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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