can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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