I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
