I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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