I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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