Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
