I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
