He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
