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The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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