Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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