I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
