Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
