So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
