that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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