Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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