just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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