??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
