The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
