Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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