the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
