I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hippo gnu deer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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