just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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