where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't put those talents on a resume
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
