I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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