Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He did a backflip because drugs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
