Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I FOUND THE LEGS
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
