If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
