So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
