i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
