How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
