I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
