but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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