I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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