You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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