So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
