i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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